so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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