I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
