I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
