I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
