you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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