I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
