The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
