Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
