Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
