So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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