I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i've created a new STD.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
