PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
