I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Found the puke drawer
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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