these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
