I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize