i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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