I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize