I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
