I want to have your abortion
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
