I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
