Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
