Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
