I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
