We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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