then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
