So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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