i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Randomize
