I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
