i jhust puked up my retainher.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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