how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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