I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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