how can u be prego again
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
