I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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