Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
