For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
