My pussy is not your playground.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
