He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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