And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
