Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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