im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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