You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
do herpes really smell.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
