We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
