went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
