who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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