he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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