Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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