I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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