A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
