Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
