JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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