im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
