i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
