Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
