we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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