like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
