he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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