if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
