the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
