watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize