This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize