I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
