know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
