All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
