i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
