hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
