So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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