I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
