found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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