my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
