Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
