i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
