If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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