I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the condom got lost in my hair
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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