Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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