He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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